i feel like im dreaming.. hah , i guess , i hope.. i hope im not=)
at last , i do things swee swee. lol , i do either 2 things in class. 100% study , or 100% sleep. lol best i love studying.. but 100% asleep is still th sex. hahahahahaa u blackout , bell rings , RECESS~!
terrence got doc's appointment today. mena and i went for our smoke break as usual. this time , it took hell long. haha both of us slacker. we need terrence rushing.
played basketball after school. i haven played since half a year ago. it feels good=) feel so much like a school. there's people playing netball , soccer and us basketball. im gona play soccer next!
zzz, ric if you're reading this, im sorry. thurs i've got some wake ceremony to attend.. but i wont be going to school on friday. you can giv me a call when u reach thailand.
even if i have the courage, there's no hope left. i wish i had a 2nd chance. maybe this is it.
when my mom suddenly call to tell me my uncle passed away..
went back straight after school and attended the wake.
i expected it to be boring.
it turned out to be boring at 1st , as there was no one.
than came all my cousins , nephews and other relatives
i sat with my elder cousins , about 4 of them.
they were talking about how good being a taxi driver is. i was listen attentively and it does sound good. really.
than my uncle came, he flew back from L.A. he hold me to another table , and told me many things. i heard alot about him from the others too. we need tickets to travel to other countries. he dont, he have a diamond blah blah blah card. which gives him 1st hand piority. even if there's no space , it'll have a space. lol powerful person.
he told me that , being what others want to be wont give u such luxury. his wife drives a Mercs, M series. 5000c like omg!~? 1c = $2 5000c = $10,000 road tax
it's true anyways , we should aim to do what we want. and strive to achieve it. i use to think badly about going to L.A at december.. now , i've got a new mindset. im gona go , and learn , and probably work for my uncle.
imagine. walk into the airport , throw your #)@!(#+@(#!@ diamond card at the person. and fly wherever you want. it's like a credit card but you only use it on plane flights. u come and go as and when u like. no booking. you can ask for an additional seat. even his kids dont take economic class, they take business class. omg , they are 5 yearold and 3 yearold pls.
yet the other hand , the rest talks about jobs like making spectacles could giv you a good $3000 a month and so~ well , it sounds attractive for us, yes. but look out man. there's more to it.
he told me this before i left.
what you see is what you get. believing is seeing, believe in yourself.
you can please some of the people, all of the time, all of the people , some of the times, but never, all of the people , all of the time.
finish schooled today. was quite piss-off at the start of P.E i was walking pass my physics teacher. she stared at me , she said , cheesun , i dun want to talk to you. why did u skip my remedial? i booked tuesday for you and u dont turn up.
zzz that tuesday was fucked up luh. it's quite my fault i asked ter and mena out to gym. than , i didnt bring my P.E shirt. how go gym sia. at that moment , the teacher told me i got to stay back after sch. than ter and mena how sia? lol they brought all their stuff alr. zz i forgo my remedial , but i told her in advance. i guess she didnt really bother. well , did i make a wrong decision?
went to gym again today with sesame , mena and ter. ter and sesame went off 1st. shawn's bbq hope they had fun =) mena asked me something that struck me deep down. ''dont you think he vents his temper on you?'' ''you dont see me , doing it on you.'' ''well, i wana help but u duno how to help yourself.''
he's not sowing disorder. but it strucked a tear in my heart. lol im not gay. but hah. friends, they matter.
o , he also said something. follow your heart. haha , people can scold you , or try to convict you that you're wrong. what you think is right , do it. than we went to eat! taiwan snacks! osyster mee sua AND cheese omelete. had our fill.
smoked. and we went our seperate ways.
wanted to go out with chris and all. but zzz , super tired. thus didnt.
most likely , i'll be studying in town tml. and sunday at bishan. i wont have time to meet them.
gosh.
i've got to get you out of my mind. what's past has past i dont know how i wish i knew this hole , this feeling , it's crawling over me. i'll be waiting.
why do i always see things i dont wana see.. well , i hope you're happy =)
came home after sch today. studied for awhile + msn. when bishan to get my bag and file. lol don't know whether it suits me, but who cares. it's for studying , not for show.
green is th colour man. love th file.
gona sort out soon. my ''rubbish'' and stuffs. tml sch end so late luh, im starting to ache.. damn, i was still telling ter i didnt feel any ache. arh!
since i need a P.E shirt as well. im gona buy 1 for mena. and take the one he lend me.
starting to have breathing problems.. zz , should we stop smoking? im always a follower.. should i start something? like be the 1st to quit..
things i wana buy. 1. NO more clothes and stuff. 2. O level , 10years series. 3. pencil case. 4. school shoes. 5. P.E shirt 6. Every stationary i need , curve ruler , new calculator , etc.
haha , chris if you're reading this, i bet you're going wtf. he nv say he want buy clothes or pants! lol , those things can wait.
if you get there before i do, don't give up on me. i'll meet when my chores are through. i don't know how long i'll be. but im not gona let u down. darling, wait and see. Cause between now and then, till I see you again i'll be loving you...
love, me
i'll be waiting... trust me.
i was strucked today by many things. things that my friend said. well , they may say it quite harshly but i won't hold it against them. i'll remember it. 1stly , im not organised sadly , but i find it true too... alrite , since i know , i better change.
i also need to buck up , and be less lazy. i know.. i know im wrong. im gona make it right.
rite , im back home now. went to walk ard with my mom. got new a new frame. temporary luh. gona get a better 1 , next time.
i suddenly feel glad. well , i guess she's not mad anymore. although we ain't friends no more. im still glad.
am damn tired.. spend my friday celebrating seb birthday. hahahaha , it was fun luh. esp when wacking seb. birthday bash.
went to eat than played pool till about 4 in the morning? took a cab to zariel's house and spent the nite over there.. damn chris stole my auntie's wine. we played indian poker. haha drank quite alot.
reach home about 9 in the morning.. didnt bath , slept all the way. till terrence called. studying out. lol i havent sleep enough. went out with them. got a shirt for topman, haha and mena went to take his pants at hugo we than went to hagon to take a look at the shoes there..
we watch invisible target! lido! classic theatre! my friends!
i tell u! the seats isnt the best seats but the railings infront of us was th new sex luh. i can stretch my leg on it , and seat however i want. hah , it was cool. the movie, quite predictable but impactful.
went home ard 12+. got scolded like mad. she didnt see me for ...erm 2 days.. lol since friday.
today morning , got scolded again. than got a msg , whether i can go out study or not... i thought twice and replied.. and got scolded again..=.=
hais.. well , it's quite true.. im not putting my heart into my studies.. i jolly well know what is more important. arh. i cannot cont playing... but fuck luh , this is another prb. i dun keep my words everytime i say something, i dun do. i need my friends to kickstart me.
rite.. tml's monday. 1st day of the week. new day. im gona live for the better. gona bring the disc. gona stay back after sch to study. gona finish up my work NOW!
basically , i wana live for the better luh. gona bath now =) bye~
zz my life's the stereo type eat , study , sleep and die. fuck.
lol, cant wait to finish my O's arh. well i do enjoy sch. gym tml =) gona work out! + study!
damn this computer, super lag. zzz , looking ard. chris got his girls. trac got fiona. seb got jiahui.(lol soon luh) marcus got the choi yan..aiya duno how spell.. faiz got a good gf (mehda) lol fuck sia , all got or almost getting. where am i? stucked with u
what happens when love and hate collide? i've got your number on my wall.. i aint gona make that call.. divided we're standing.. united we fall.. what happens when love and hate collide! fuck man. it's you who make me cry , it's also you who can make me smile again..
someone please come and replace this feeling..
zzz , went to take a look at my pay. fucking little. thx to me. fuck it. i forgot to key in my sales. surely some idiot took it. zzzz. arh nvm , i have my friend to lend me 1st. and my other pay haven come , waiting for seb. rite..... how am i going to spend it..
if it were the past, i would think of how to spend it on you. to make you smile, to make you happy..
now the money's meaningless... just need to clear my debt.
went to work today. hah , doesnt count at work luh. it's to help kids help others
it's damn interesting and fun luh. the kids offering to shelter people with their umbrella across the road. hahahaha
it's fun and i get paid for it! hah! $50 for 3 hrs hahahah that's like $16.70 per hour. alrite..even if i wasn't paid..i'll still do it
hah , met ter , mena , aikboon and kailshen after that oh ya..and andrew hah , they went shopping.. and my goodness did they bought alot of things.. mena spend like $400? ter $200+ 300? hahaha... soon it'll be my turn.. zz im broke now..damn
hah, i had much fun today luh.. taking care of the kids.. and just being with my friends... haha
ard 9+ they all wanted to go home alr.. they went and i went to find my other grp of friends haha all my buds! plyed pool than came back home.. hah , 3 more days till andrew goes on shopping spree lol, wana get something for my friends too..hahaha
studying tml , and going to the gym... AND i still need to go jamming. man , i need to sort my time out tml..zzzz
lol i went to sch! after 3 days being sick.. hah , school's fun luh. im starting to understand poa! im just worried about my science and maths.. zzz
hah went to the gym after sch! shag , but i enjoyed it. shawn came too! didnt see him like so long luh..
im having muscleache now. hah, i guess mena gona wake up tml and go motionless him and ter work out the most.
went j8. walk ard... than went back home.
i wanted to sleep luh , suddenly remember , got to go dbg..lol met up with chris , seb , trac, matt , fiona , yen and a few others my mood like damn bad..lol thinking that i need to wake up early in the morning.. not for sch! for work! lol, if it's sch.. no matter how early it is , i'll get up..haha
cool , i know a new friend! Nic , lol he plays the guitar and i play the guitar we gum keng lol gona test out our jamming on sunday.. and like i need to study on sunday..zzz gota sort out my time it's my dream man! to have a band of my own. hah , well , i hope this is it.
went amk hub to meet trac and chris wow , it just feels great to meet them.
hah , although to them , it's just another gathering to me , by thrashing out everything, esp to chris helps me sort out my thinking.. and priortising myself
well , i just love friends =) next stop! school tml! im gona pack my bag now..hah gona study and go to the gym~
damn , 1stly i wana complain than i got a bad and lousy haircut arh forget it , it'll grow
anyways , i am back home early.. zzz wanted to go back to maths class after our break feel like vomiting.. went to report sick. got back home. now that im home , im falling even more ill..
woke up in the morning... damn , open my eyes cant move my body. too weak listened to my mom's screaming as she bang on my door. than came barging in , my dad
he touched me , felt that my body temp was high than i forgot what happened... i fell back to sleep
zzz i sleep like almost half the day. now im quite alrite.. but i didnt see a doc how on earth am i gona giv a MC?
hah...i haven touch any books today. arh im gona study later =) at least try to study.
i miss my friends.. lol been sometime alr , since we hang out together alrite!...this sat , im book for studying.. i guess i'll go out with them on friday nite after studying..
it's just a few more months , lets get through it once! hah.
im feeling damn sick now.. having flu , cough , fever
fuck
arh so sick and tired of taking stares from her cant we just be friends again?
watever it is, went to mena house , watch Jackass the movie 2 lol , damn gross and hilarious i laugh and almost vomit my ass out
deciding whether to see a doctor tml or go to sch... arh , im starting to study alr and im sick... thank God for the obstacle zzzzzz
people ard are changing man... including myself i guess i change with situation attitude changes , friends to foe fucking mood swing, some good for nothing fucktard who stab me at the back.
im gona change too im gona fuck them back , hard.
well , at least i got my classmates. they're noisy! and cool! hahahaha
zzz im sick and yet im thinking of crap wtf am i typing lol , im gona do my poa now bye
cant decide... i duno whether to hate , or not cant bring myself to it. but im angry with what?
i cant think anymore.. well, i guess it's life. life's a pain..
went studying with mena , ter and aik boon. hah, spend like 1 hr + deciding on where we would study. ended up in town. went up to lido and studied from 5 to 8 .. 3hrs and i only finish 2 things. both Poa, disposal and trading ,profit and loss and balance a/c than went cuppage to play billiard. throughout the whole day, although i had fun , i still feel lousy. all i wanted to noe is what happen. it's not that when i know it , thats it. im gona change it, whatever it is. isit that hard to bring yourself to text me? or just a nudge to clear things out is it really that hard? i duno.. im kind of lost... yes , we duno ea other really well.. u remind me of her, yes. but you're not her , you're you... you're you and that's enough for me...
if im not the one.. God ,shouldnt u stop me?
you're th one who made me smile , the one who made me cry what does it take to be a man? smile when you're ard, to cry when you're apart, to apologise no matters whose at fault, to kneel down , just to make u come back.
im lost.. im losing the good side of my character..
suddenly i remembered what someone told me before life's random ups and downs i'll always remember it i guess , it really came unexpectedly
i bet some ppl are laughing at me for being so stupid now well , yeap , my fault
all i wana know. all i ever want to do right now. i just wana find out why. what exactly happen , that's all.
im sick and tired smiling all the time trying to please ppl. i can please all the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time , but i cant please all of the people, all of the time.
that's it , im gona change. im gona live my life without the words 'love' , 'sorry' , 'thanks' money is the one most important thing right now. im gona focus my heart into it. 100k by 19. but now, studies zzzz
wtf i do? nb eh cb cant even let me finish wat i wana say knn , im not angry with anyone im angry and fucking angry with myself
ccb , why? u tell me luh like something i said , u dumb uh? cannot tell me? i rather u scold me , making me feel fucked up for no reason
i swear , i swear it. i'm never gona let my emotions get over me again i swear it i swear it whoever fuck with me , im gona fuck back i rather get wack than be a loser
thx for changing my life im changing it for the worst thx alot thx ALOT
if it's something i did , cant i even noe? fuck everything
a hurting mind , eats up emotions i dont think it can endure another pain...
i guess im just insecure. i reply my messages in a jiffy cant stand why sometimes i get the annoyed attitude when someone doesnt reply me just plainly didnt see it? or just dont wana reply
i admit im always feeling alone, even when im with my friends lost my brother when im young no one knows , but i treasure him greatly
i remember about the negative thinking fong told me abt keep thinking this way , i'll come true but hey, im trying it keeps coming back wtf is wrong with .... nowadays pricing up? ''hard to catch''? sick and tired everyone's the same..
we do things using our brain but it's only half rite we use our heads and follow our hearts everytime i follow my heart's wants something has to crop up
i wonder, isit me or just the guy up there. i dont know.. i dont know..
zz woke up at 3 today.. shag, yesterday was fun.. met up with ter and sesame went to fix ter phone.
actually wanted to go to the gym in the morning but his phone spoiled fix the phone , than met up with more ppl
i intended to go home yesterday late , but i meant late , catching the last train hah, was told the movie starts at 1235 didnt wanted to watch at 1st.. but eventually talked ard by terr haha , than we went to eat... hmm , o yah! baby andrew hahaha he's damn funny plyed pool with him , i kept thinking that ppl thinks im bullying him lol.. haha he'll look real good without those piercing at his mouth and nose anyways he was quite a victim yesterday haah ... most jokes came from him and was about him had fun.. things cropped up too =) but didnt us from having fun haha the movie turned out to be 3.10 lol watching movie at 3 in the morning thats cool! hahas the shows damn nice the cars are pretty went home at 6 in the morning...and slept thats why i woke up at 3 hah! well , im trying to live a better life! studies and friends im trying to balance them=)
still looking for that someone in my life, well i guess i havent met her =) hopefully it'll be anytime soon im getting fustrated due to O's i guess i need someone to be dere
hah! i sound gay...ok nvm. zz i feel tired.. nites ppl
andrew